1. Talk smart sex first. Have smart sex later. STIs and unintended pregnancies affect both partners, not just one person. If you feel uncomfortable discussing sex and birth control with your partner, then you shouldn't be having sex. Be straightforward and talk about sex beforehand so both partners know what to expect. It's easier to be rational and reasonable before you're in the "heat of the moment."

2. Don't feel pressured to have sex. Or have sex out of fear - fear of hurting someone's feelings by saying no or fear of being the "only one" who isn't doing it. Virtually everyone wants to fit in with his or her friends, but you should never compromise your values to be "part of the crowd." If you don't want to have sex, be honest, discuss the reasons behind your decision with your partner and stay true to you.

3. Don't abuse alcohol/use drugs if you think things could get physical. Drug use or alcohol abuse interferes with decision-making, which can lead to date , forgetting to use contraceptives or contracting an STI. The lowering of inhibitions that often accompanies alcohol use might make you think you'll enjoy sex more, but in fact, for a variety of biochemical reasons, too much alcohol actually makes sex less enjoyable for both men and women.

4. Two are better than one. To help prevent both pregnancy and STIs, you should correctly and consistently use a birth control method like the Pill, contraceptive injection or diaphragm (for pregnancy prevention) and a condom (to prevent STIs). Condom use is essential, especially in relationships that are not monogamous. If your partner says no to contraceptives that may prevent STIs, like condoms, it's probably time to rethink your relationship. Nothing is worth the potential lifetime consequences of a few minutes of unprotected fun.

5. Use the buddy system. If you go to a party or a bar, go with friends and keep an eye out for each other. Agree that you won't leave with another person without telling someone. Sometimes a friend's "second opinion" could help prevent you from making decisions that you might regret later.

6. Remember that "no" means NO and passed out doesn't mean YES. Being drunk isn't a defense for committing sexual assault. If you are too drunk to understand a person trying to say no; if you are too drunk to listen and respect a person saying no; or if you have sex with somebody who is passed out or incapable of giving consent, it can be considered . Click here to read about how men and women can avoid the consequences of date .

7. Respect everyone's right to make his/her own personal decision - including yourself. There is no imaginary "deadline," no ideal age, no perfect point in a relationship where sex has to happen. If your partner tells you that he or she is not ready to have sex, respect his/her decision, be supportive and discuss the reasons behind it. It is everyone's ultimate right to decide when and how they have sex - be it the first time or the tenth time.

8. Be prepared for a sex emergency. Consider carrying two condoms with you just in case one breaks or tears while it's being put on. Both men and women are equally responsible for preventing STIs, using contraceptives and both should carry condoms. Sometimes things go wrong even when you try to do everything right. Women should also know about emergency contraception or EC. Taken within 72 hours of intercourse, EC may prevent pregnancy. Click here for more information about EC.

9. The best protection doesn't mean less affection. Abstinence is actually the most effective way to protect against STIs and prevent pregnancy. But practicing abstinence doesn't mean you can't have an intimate physical relationship with someone - it just means you don't have vaginal or anal intercourse. There are many other ways to be intimate and not have intercourse - just be aware that alternatives, like oral sex, carry their own risks. Click here to read more about practicing abstinence and risks of oral sex.

10. Make sexual health a priority. Whether you are having sex or not, both men and women need to have regular check-ups to make sure they are sexually healthy. Women should have annual gynecological exams. Negotiating Safe Sex June 25, 2007

Negotiating safe sex is a process in which two or more people with different needs interact in order to reach an agreement around sex that both people are comfortable with. This, however, can be a very tricky thing to do. Especially if one person wants to use a condom while the other person insists on not using one. So what do you do? Here are guidelines from www.stayinformedsonoma.net which are intended to encourage you to think through the process of negotiating safe sex and only do what you are comfortable with.

Think Through The Process Before Meeting

Stay informed about safer sex. Safer sex isn't always about wearing a condom. Sometimes it can be as simple as getting regular STD tests or getting vaccinated for Hepatitis A & B. Choose things that you're comfortable adopting. Keep these in mind the next time you meet up for sex.

Know your boundaries. Decide what level of risk you are willing to take. Have an idea of what you're willing and not willing to do sexually before you meet up for sex. This will help you stay in control and out of harm's way.

Keep your head in a good place. If you're too high or drunk to make good decisions, your risk of doing things you might not do otherwise is greatly increased.

Plan ahead. Know your boundaries and safer sex guidelines. Hell, it wouldn't hurt to carry a few condoms and lube with you, even if the possibility of sex seems remote.

What if your sex partner also has HIV? Although re-infection with a drug-resistant or more aggressive disease-causing strain of HIV is still being debated, it is something to be considered when negotiating safer sex between two HIV-positive sex partners.

Negotiate What You're Comfortable With Once You Meet

Ask a few key questions. If you're nervous about having a conversation about sex, ask a few key questions that can help you make a better decision about what you're willing to do sexually. Questions like: "What's your HIV status?" "Have you been tested for STD's lately?" or "What are you into?" can give you just enough information to help you make decisions about what to do and what not to do sexually.

Have a conversation during a low-key moment. Waiting until you're in the sack and getting hot may not be the best time to negotiate sex. You're already doing it! Find a time earlier in the evening before you enter the bedroom to have the conversation.

Communicate using positive language. Negotiating sex can be difficult as it is. When someone gets defensive it can be even more difficult. Respect your partner's decision, whatever it is. And request that they respect yours.

Be clear about what you want. If you just want lots of kissing, caressing, and touching, then make it clear to them up front. You have the right to determine what you're willing to do sexually and have that respected by a partner. If they don't agree, say good-bye.

Follow through. Once the clothes are off and things start getting hot, it's easy to get caught up in the moment. Never assume your partner will follow-through on the agreement. You are always responsible for your own safety.

Be assertive. Sometimes a sex partner may try to convince you to do something you're not comfortable doing. Be assertive but respectful in your response. If you're not comfortable doing it, then don't. Offer another sexual delicacy that you're both comfortable with. If they still insist, get up and leave.